Screw You, Vogue.

Screw you, is what I thought today as I ate my lunch and flicked through my newly arrived (via subscription which comes earlier) Australian Vogue. Screw you and your pathetic attempt at being one of Australias foremost fashion publications.

For ages now I have been disillusioned with Vogue, as its well known. More recently, I have started being OVER The Age's fashion editors and contributors as well. My annoyance there lies particularly with the women at M magazine from the Sunday Age- NOT with the great goddess Janice Breen Burns, whose column i love so much i cut them out for my scrapbook each week and is the only reason I buy Saturdays Age (along with Mark Dapin, who I also love).

But first to Vogue. Heres my train of thought as I skipped through the pages: "Emmanuel Alt did the cover? she's from French Vogue thats a bit cheap/i am sick of seeing stuff that has already happened ie high waisted wide leg jeans that are coming in the NEXT issue/Keira Knightley is NOT a "swan" or an "Icon of the year" she is a too skinny WIENER/Kate Bosworth is SO NOT worthy of being no. 1 Best Dressed that is an INSULT to your readers/Jennifer Connoly is clearly US Vogues darling at the moment- is that why she makes your best dressed list? cos a continuous ponytail does NOT cut it in my book/gee- luxury really has come down to the masses if THIS is all Vogue can come up with"

This is not the thoughts one should be having whilst reading what should be such a good magazine. Are my expectations too high? Is it too much to ask that they write their own articles, do their own covers, and inform us of the most cutting edge fashion that they possibly can? Its all so safe. Take a risk, Vogue! Show us something outrageous, dare to be wrong! Please! I beg of you! If I wanted high waisted wide legs jeans this late in the race I would be reading Cosmo.

Same goes for you, M. These women have it even easier as its a newspaper and comes out weekly. They could be so on the ball its sickening- but instead they are playing to the lowest common denominator and giving us tired, old, generic fashion. How can we take them seriously? Melbourne is supposed to be the most stylish city in our country, yet our main newspaper is giving us garbage like "Return of The Waist". Really? The waist is coming back? Gosh, theres no WAY I didnt see that coming on style.com like 6 freaking months ago. This isnt rocket science, Rachel Wells, so lift your game. This paragraph particularly irked me "Here, at long last, were a bunch of women dressing for themselves (meaning wearing smocks and sacks)- pretending they couldnt hear, or simply ignoring altogether, the pleas for something "tighter, shorter, sexier, please" from dumbfounded boyfriends and husbands."

Excuse me? At long last? What, so until that last voluminous fashion statement we were all trying desperately to squeeze into a bandage dress that barely concealed our bums and was made out of some kind of pvc so that our partners were happy? Oh no, that couldnt be right, sorry, cos the bandage style dress hasnt yet made it into "On The Radar". My mistake. I may be alone here, but I have never in my whole life met a woman older than about 17 who dresses for men. Unless they are a stripper. Women dress for themselves, or for their friends, who appreciate their outfit, and its just a lucky accident if their partner thinks they look nice. Of course, most women want to look good in their clothes so a lot of the time wear flattering things that men admire. That is a happy coincidence.

I used to look forward to sundays papers and the fashion in them. But these days I enjoy the Herald Sun's Star section of paparazzi shots of stars in their trackpants more than I enjoy Rachel and her crews efforts. Give us the new!! Or at least something interesting. Be an ambassador for Melbourne and show us and visitors here that we really are the most stylish city and then give us proof. Or give me and Maudrey a job, as advisors, or something, cos I am starting to feel that we could do a pretty good job there, despite my inexperience.

I admit I am not having the best day. But coming straight off the weekend and with 2 Vogues in the letterbox this morning (the other is US Vogue, which I really should have brought to work instead) should be lifting me up, not bringing me down! Something must be done.